Drafting

Drafting is the process through which you create the first iteration of a deliverable. Typically, these projects entail stringing together key messages that emerged from a brainstorm or writing reports that use other reports as templates. (The existence of a “first report” is often cited as evidence in favor of Intelligent Design).

Because corporate advancement is directly proportional to corporate indoctrination, most managers have lost the ability to fill a blank page with words other than “dynamic”, “integrated”, and “strategic”. Therefore, you should not be surprised when you are asked to draft a seemingly important document: there is no logical basis for interpreting your manager’s request as confidence in your ability. Indeed, a good manager has absolutely no intention of using the product of your efforts—such a brazen tactic would undermine their own value.

Rather, your manager will modify your work to better reflect their own stylistic tendencies, more closely resemble previously established platitudes, and pass the effort as their own. This process continues vertically until every contributor’s efforts are duly recognized. The resulting document is so thoroughly devoid of falsifiable insight that it is now deemed “client ready”. Voila!

It is not recommended to approach drafting with even a modicum of seriousness. Your contribution will ultimately be rendered pointless, and you’ll feel like you just witnessed the neighbor’s overgrown slobber-machine sexually assault your dog while your friends rolled in hysterics. Instead, try to parody the document you are asked to write. This way, your reliance on conventional wisdom will please your supervisor, and your subversive tactics ensures your integrity remains intact.